Let me preface this by saying that if you paint over screws and other fittings, I hate you. Like gardening, you think DIY should be so easy. But things can never be so straightforward.

What I wanted to do today was take one door (from my bathroom) and swap it with another door (to my kitchen). Why should I want to do such a thing? Well, let this video do the talking for me:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6kZU5GJiME.

I too live in bizarre-o-world, where there is a window to my toilet for everyone to stare in at me while I’m busy. I have already addressed this somewhat by installing blinds, although these had to go on the outside of the bathroom for several reasons.

A few days ago I was thinking how nice it would be to get some light from the kitchen into the dining room, as we are always keeping the door open for this reason, and I had the bright idea that I could swap the doors.

Never one to just fuck around, I got my measuring tape and took all my measurements, and fantastic! The doors are an almost perfect fit, with just a little margin of error for fitting it in. That’s great, I make a note to get to it when I get free.

Today has come around, and I should be studying for my exams, but I had so much fun gardening the other day, and was so much more productive for it, that I thought if I just get to this quickly, I will have so much energy afterwards to study. That was over two hours ago.

It started off just as well I had expected. I unscrewed the door to the bathroom easily and set it to one side. Perfect. Now to the next one!

When I start on the kitchen door the first thing I notice is that all the screws have been painted over. OK, whatever, how bad can it be. Well, let me tell you, it can be pretty bad. The screws were stuck. I had to use all my might to get each one out. After chipping away at the first, clearing away all the hardened gunk and trying out all different sorts of screwdrivers with no luck, I think to myself that I should just set all this to one side and get someone in to do it for me. I am about to give up, when suddenly, the first screw becomes loose. Hell yeah! I can do this. So I keep going. I go through the same struggle session with each one, and eventually all the screws are out, and once again, the door is set to one side.

Now it’s time to install the other door. I bring it in and prop it up on a map so it is the right height. Actually, I prop it up on my big toe, because that’s the way I roll. Anyway, I get to work, I start screwing the screws, starting from the top, and it is all going well. Then I get to the bottom, and I notice that actually, all the holes for the screws are set off slightly to one side. No bother, I had already counted some margin for error and in my best estimate, it should still fit. So I continue. The first screw on the bottom goes in fine. So does the second. The first one, I have to screw in at an angle. I begin to question myself at this point, am I doing something stupid? Probably, but if the end result is a door that fits, then it doesn’t matter, so I proceed. I get this one most of the way in and figure I should get started on the next, as it is a tight fit. This one is impossible. I have to use all my force and turn it again and again and again, and it wasn’t just that the fit was tight, the screws were flatheads as well, so every crank resulted in the screwdriver slipping away. This means I couldn’t just keep going, I had to turn once, slip, re-align, turn, slip, re-align, over, and over, and over again. Eventually I got out the power drill, and this slipped away too, so I put that back and just kept going.

Finally, I got them all in. Now for the moment of truth. I close the door.

The door will not close.

I look around and see a little rubber strip poking out. It’s probably that. I push it back into place and try again.

The door will not close.

Huh. Weird. I close the door closely and take a look. It is hitting the frame.

That is weird. Maybe I put the door just a millimeter too close to the frame, and I should unscrew all the screws and screw them back in again a little bit further away. That’s when I notice the door isn’t wide enough.

I take a step back and look at the door. It definitely looks like even if I do get it to close, I will have a huge gaping gap between the door and the frame on the other side. The door is not wide enough. That’s weird. I measured the doors. I definitely measured them. So I measure them again. They are not the same.

What’s that they say, measure once, cut twice? I could have saved myself a lot of time and energy if I just measured them properly to begin with. You would think I would be good at this sort of thing, my job is literally working with numbers, but nope, I am pretty bad at this kind of thing. Go through my post history and you will see the other day how I realised that I am not 5’7 (171cm), I am 5’5 (165cm), no wait, actually I am 5’7 (169cm), not 5’5 (100cm plus 65 inches).

Anyway, that sucks, but what is there to do but undo everything I have done and put it all back to normal. Fine. I go to unscrew the kitchen (bathroom) door, and it is stuck. Shit. I keep going. The screws become loose, this time easier than last time, and then… they push back in. The threads only go halfway up the screws, so when I get them out part the way, they just push back in again. And it is difficult to get them out. I repeat, they are flatheads, and the screwdriver slips right off. This is where I pull out the pliers. I grip and twist and turn, and I do this again and again, and finally I get the door off. I set it one side.

Now, time to re-install the original kitchen door. This has all the complications of the former bathroom door, and the screws on the bottom are still offset to one side. That’s when I realise at least this bit isn’t my fault, they genuinely cocked up the first time, that’s one reason why it was so difficult to unscrew to begin with (the other reason being the inces of white paint sealing the screws inside). The other issue I’m having is that little flap of rubber keep getting in the way. I am sat on the floor to do the bottom screws and I have to stick up my leg and push the rubber strip to the door with my feet to get it out of the way. I am monke. Eventually it all fits in, and all is well. I go back to the bathroom and get that door back on in a matter of minutes, because that one was installed by normal people (who like to watch people use the toilet).

I should not have done any of this. Like I said, I have exams to get to, but ADD gotta ADD. Wish me luck!