Introduction
This journey is dedicated to the tremendous healing, vitality, creativity, and passion embodied in queer people. It is a journey of self-discovery for people who believe life beyond the cishet norm is a cause for celebration! You are beautiful. You are worthy of love and no matter how alienated and oppressed we are by capitalism, we have the duty to give it to ourselves. Queer self-love is resistance to capitalism.
This group is a guided journaling practice for queer people to work towards self-acceptance, self-understanding and empowerment to live openly. I intend to explore my gender identity, but this group is open to cis people looking for greater security in non-heterosexual sexuality. The framework is loosely adapted from the book ‘Gay Spirit Warrior’ by John R. Stowe. Pacing and overall structure is at the discretion of the group!
Each week (or bi-weekly if slower feels better), I will post a journaling exercise and some of the framing freely adapted from the text. This might be similar to group therapy but with more of an emphasis on personal reflective work. Below is an example of one of the prompts and framing prose to give folks an idea of what this looks like!
I will try to post one journaling prompt and the accompanying exercises from the book each week as long as it feels worthwhile & I have energy.
Please feel free to discuss the overall structure of this group AND the initial journal prompt spoilered below
Tentative Structure
spoiler
- Map the Territory: Goals & Challenges
- Early Beliefs: Impact & Overcoming
- Gender/Sexuality: Developing an Empowered Ideal
- The Body: Tuning In & Taking Care
- The World: What is ‘Out’ for me?
- Affirming Love
There is a lot of the Jungian Archetype, and spirituality stuff left out to keep a realistic commitment. If folks are interested, I can transcribe the complete list of 14 chapters and exercises.
Week One: Beginnings
[cw: abstract discussion of homophobia & transphobia]
spoiler
For queer people, the journey to empowerment has two stages. Initially, we must create safe space to heal whatever wounding we carry from life in patriarchal society, to liberate ourselves from internalized transphobia and internalized homophobia. As we break our chains, the second stage begins: the realization of self-actualization. It entails learning to define yourself on your own terms and exploring your passion for life in every way. As queer, you claim the power to make your life an ongoing adventure of discovery and fulfillment.
As revolutionary anti-capitalists, we struggle to bring a new world out of the ashes of the old. Part of that pursuit is individual liberation from anti-trans and anti-gay ideology. I have a vision of a radiant, loving, beautiful person secure in their gender and sexuality, able to survive in a transphobic, homophobic world. I want to embody that vision; I want all of my comrades to embody that vision!
Almost every one of us is carries scars inflicted by society’s homophobia, transphobia, fear of genuine pleasure, and fear of difference. Whether it was the casual reactionary attitudes of families and peers, or direct experiences of bigotry many of us have incorrect attitudes instilled in us.
In order to survive, many of us became chameleons to blend into the harsh background of our ‘correct’ gendered behavior. We learned to hide or modulate our true selves. We learned to doubt or fear our natural desires of love and intimacy, to embody our true selves and genders. We internalized the queerphobia directed at us until we came to feel flawed, defensive, or unworthy. Our authentic selves became shackled.
Overcoming queerphobia is a journey of opening and transformation. We’ll approach it step-by-step gently & compassionately examining the sources, content, and ongoing consequences of our own wounding. Understanding is a powerful tool in overcoming. Ultimately, our wounds will form a map to trace backward and inward to the core of our being where we will begin to build a positive ideal of queer identity.
**Let’s begin making that vision real by first mapping our starting point: our goals and our challenges. **
Exercise: Goals and Challenges
The first thing we’re going to do is to choose a destination. It’s important to know where you want to go in order to get the ball rolling. Even if you change your mind and decide halfway to Yanan you decide to spend a month in Sichuan, keeping a destination in mind gives you an important sense of direction. As you gain clarity, you can refine or rewrite goals that don’t make sense anymore!
Make a list titled ‘CHALLENGES’ and freely write problems, issues, or concerns you have that feel related to your gender or sexual identity. Be honest with yourself! Until you choose to share it, no one gon know what’s on there. What’s bugging you? What’s not working right now? What do you not like about how you are living your life right now?
Make a second list titled ‘GOALS’. Make each statement in this list a positive statement of something you would like to create in your life. “I choose to make friends with people I can be open with.” “I’d like to work somewhere I can be publicly out.”
Write whatever is important to you. Be sure to include each statement in “CHALLENGES” reworded as a positive goal. For example if you have the challenge “feeling isolated” you could have the positive goal “create meaningful relationships with other people.”
Conclusion
Daring to embrace your queerness is an act of radical audacity! Setting out on this quest of empowerment is exciting. I am excited to be here with you comrades.
Expect to be triumphant on this quest. But some considerations: this is a physical process! It takes real work and energy to liberate yourself of negative beliefs. Dealing with trauma can cause sommatic and emotional reactions. Honor any requests your body makes for additional rest, breaks, or attention.
Dare to struggle, dare to win! Queer liberation now!
Optional: Support
Come up with a list of ten soothing or self-care activities you can do or prioritize during this process as you spend extra energy on building your self comprehension and liberation.
In the spirit of TC_69, I love my trans comrades! 
LMK if you want to be pinged for these in the future
Queer Self-Acceptance Journaling Week 2 @Notcontenttobequiet@hexbear.net @ashinadash@hexbear.net @AutomatedPossum@hexbear.net @Wake@hexbear.net @Ocommie63@hexbear.net @odmroz@hexbear.net @Infamousbit@hexbear.net @I_just_really_wanted_to_see_how_long_they_would_let_my_username_be@hexbear.net @Cromalin@hexbear.net @lilypad@hexbear.net @Ananasova@hexbear.net @Red_Sunshine_Over_Florida@hexbear.net @RedQuestionAsker2@hexbear.net @Notcontenttobequiet@hexbear.net
Meeeee
Please ping me as well?
4·9 months agoI would like to get pinged please.
I’m interested. I’d like to be pinged.
Ping plz
ping me too, please!
I’d like to try to take part in this because it might help me understand my queer imposterness and also my gender imposterness. I hope that’s okay! Please include me on the mailing list
Even if you find out you are not queer at the end of this, that security and that resolution will help you grow. (although if you’re worried about ‘not being queer enough’ then you are probably queer!)
challenges
I don’t feel comfortable in any space I go into. I feel like an imposter in cis places. I feel like an imposter in queer spaces. I present very masc, and it exhausts me.
I get anxious talking about this stuff in general. Making posts publicly about it dials that anxiety up to 12.
I feel like engaging with topics pertaining to gender is too much sometimes. I run from things that scare me. I haven’t allowed myself to engage in this community, conversations involving trans people, or even some of my favorite youtubers after they transition. (Especially mad at myself for abandoning content creators after they transition)
goals
I will participate in more queer spaces. I will also attempt to meet some people irl to talk to.
I will allow myself to be more open. I will resist the overwhelming urger to delete posts once they get too much attention. I did it once already with this account and I regret it.
I will engage with more topics and discussions involving gender/queerness/and trans things. I will work through my back catalogue of content that I’ve ignored.
Challenges:
-I am incredibly uncomfortable in my own body
-I don’t feel like a woman and I feel very out of place in women’s spaces even though I want to fit in
-I am unhappy with the lack of progress on my transition and feel like I’m moving at a glacial pace
-I have no in person connections to any other trans people, and all of the attempts that I have made have failed
-I feel guilty/dysphoric being attracted to women
Goals:
-I want to be happy with my own appearance and actually be proud of how I look
-I want to be able to find a friend group of cis women who make me feel included
-I want to start voice training, experimenting with fashion/makeup more, and lose-gain-lose-etc weight to speed up fat redistribution
-I want to finally find of group of trans people in person that I can relate to and be comfortable with
-I want to be comfortable in my sexuality and not feel like I am attracted in a “male” way
Challenges
- I am disturbed by my lower half. From the waist down my body is a horrorshow for me.
- I feel like Im not assimilated/cisnormative enough for cis spaces or womens spaces, but that im too assimilated/cisnormative for trans spaces and other trans people.
- I feel deep shame around my interest in kink and fear that being used to invalidate me as a woman. To a lesser extent I fear the permeation of blanchard-esq brain rotting ideas through society, and feel internal pressure to be ace in order to avoid those judgements.
- I have not had access to a doctor for the entirety of my medical transition (over a year). I have never had bloods done.
- My face needs to stop. Its masculine and hairy and terrible. It needs to just stop and go away forever. Makeup looks fine, but also somehow worse, because of the structure of my face.
Goals
- Accept the shape of my face.
- Get money for laser on my face, arms, legs, and torso.
- Voice train to have a nice voice that doesnt make me hate myself.
- I dont know how to resolve my issues with cisnormativity, but I want to resolve them in a way that prioritizes me instead of others.
- Get health insurance sorted, and get to a fucking doctor!
Could you elaborate on what you mean by ‘cisnormativity’? Like upholding a conventional ideal of femininity? There was something that resonated there with me—feeling too queer for cisworld, but not-trans-enough for trans space—but the language kinda hung me up.
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i NEED to voice train consistently please @ me so you can shame me if i don’t
I won’t shame you but happy to check-in and remind you you want to work on this!
I tried yelling “voice train removed” at my wife every time she complained about her voice but it doesn’t work, unfortunately. motivation has to come from within.
CHALLENGES
-Voice is too masculine
-Body is too masculine
-Not enough queer friends
-No femme clothes/outfits
GOALS
-Start voice training for at least 10 mins a day
-Get on HRT as soon as I have the money to do so.
-Once I get headphones I’ll join some queer spaces where I can talk
-Understand how fashion works put some outfits together
Challenges
-Though I’m comfortable at this point with being attracted to men, I feel uncomfortable with the thought that I’m less attracted to women than I used to be.
-I feel uncomfortable that I can’t yet relate as much to my queer peers because I don’t often interact with others.
Goals
-I will reflect upon the causes of this discomfort and grow more accepting of my changing sexuality.
-I will try to find more queer peers that I can relate to.
Challenges
- Fear of giving up male privilege/the freedoms of masculinity. i.e. I can be safe in public, I can be more assertive
- Fear of trans positionality/transphobia. Esp. public safety and job prospects since I am disabled and need good health insurance
- Pessimism around dysphoria.
- Concerns about being too traditionally masculine to be a ‘legitimate woman’/'legitimately trans. I understand these are problematic thoughts but so far I have not been able to release them.
Goals
- Find security and safety within myself without having to rely on masculinity or cisgender.
- Learn to love my body and feel at home in it.
- Find the confidence to be publicly trans.
- Rectify my patriarchal thinking and continue to enjoy physical activity and my strength.
Challenges
- gender dysphoria
- not having enough energy and will to work and study because of gender dysphoria
- being in closet IRL (except for local meetings with other trans people)
- being awkard and shy in local meetings with other trans people
- living with parents with whom i am not out to, not being able to afford my own living space
- living in country with anti-LGBTQ laws
- not being on HRT
- not being able to change legal gender
- regretting that i could start transition earlier when the circumsances were more pleasant but didn’t because i am a coward
- having pessimistic thoughts about my future
- keeping my negative feelings inside myself, being afraid to talk with my friends (who know that i am trans) about these feelings, not wanting to be annoying and make friends sad
- procrastination
Goals
- start HRT (some steps in this direction has been done already!)
- wear pretty makeup and clothes
- voice training everyday
- don’t forget that i am a woman no matter what
- try to talk with my friends about my problems, ask if they are ready to listen to them
- journaling my problems (this text is basically part of it but i think i might get my personal journal as well where i can write in more details and about more private topics)
- keep working on relationships with local trans group, keep going to their meetings, be more active in their online chat
- come out to my brother, i think among everyone in my family he is most likely to accept me, also he lives separetely from our parents so i could potentially move to him
- try to picture a bright future
- accept my past, learn from my mistakes, do not overanalyse it
- make a list of potential countries that i might move to
- try to optimise my work and study schedule, don’t be too stressed about them, consider finding new workplace
- try something new like drawning or writing a story to express my feelings, ditract myself from negative thoughts and bring something new in my life
- make a small steps but consistently to avoid procrastination
regretting that i could start transition earlier when the circumsances were more pleasant but didn’t because i am a coward
This one really resonates with my feelings too. My thought is that what ever thoughts are feelings that are holding you back now were active then too, and you had even less understanding and resolve than you do now. So it’s not that you ‘missed your shot’ its that your shot wasn’t during that point in time. The kindest gift you can give yourself now is understanding for that younger you and to fulfill her dreams in the here-and-now. The best time to start was ten years ago but the next best time is now.
