Been trying to unmask for half a year+ now and it’s difficult, numbingly depressing, and extremely damaging to my reputation (in places that do matter, not just pointless social status standing)
The end of the tunnel leads to a beautiful forest full of life and light though right?
I’ve just recently figured out that what’s been happening to me for the past several years is this “autistic burnout”, so I suppose my lack of ability and intolerance of stressors has been the result of this involuntary “unmasking”. On one hand I have less responsibilities and have calmer days without meltdowns, but on the other hand I feel crushingly guilty that I can’t contribute to the household financially like I’m expected to. I feel like everyone around me sees me as a failure or just a lazy bum, and they will never understand.
I have this fear that everyone is going to get sick of me and give me some kind of ultimatum I can’t fulfill, and then kick me out and leave me homeless. Nobody has indicated anything like that yet, but I worry it’s just a matter of time before me staying at home all day, needing rides for everything, and always needing money starts to get old. I’m currently desperately trying to figure out alternative ways to contribute so they won’t start to hate me. Maybe I could start knitting everybody sweaters? Babysitting my nephew? Cooking dinner?
I feel the exact same way, we recently almost just lost our home and I honestly felt absolutely soul crushed knowing I couldn’t do anything to help because I can’t get a job due to variety of disabilities. I also didn’t know about the term “autistic burnout” until this comment and it’s really nice to finally have a word to describe how I’ve felt for the last few years…