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90% of social interaction is basically guessing what the other person wants to hear. Being ‘good’ at socializing is more about performance than actual substance. Small talk is the perfect example, you say a lot of words to say nothing in particular.
I figure it’s a ritualistic thing that makes people feel comfortable. I do find the scripted back and forth so odd though. I always feel compelled to not give the scripted answer.
Me too. Usually changing the script slightly to exaggerate or be bombastic works for me. Ex. “How are you today?” “I’m doing just fantastic so far, how are you?” Or “ch-ch-ch-chillin,” sung to the tune of the Chia Pet jingle. Usually gets me further than “Good, you?” Social interaction is just another game I’ve had to get good at.
Chchchchillin, chillin in the pool
Chchchchillin, drinking sodas looking cool
I always feel compelled to not give the scripted answer.
Same! Even though I know it’s often expected, it still feels wrong and disrespectful. They are taking the time and effort to talk to me, and I’m supposed to make meaningless noises at them?
i just talk about my interests or smth
but im known around where I’m at for being ludicrously strong in calisthenics (i don’t think that compared to chris heria n all that, but the folks are my college rec r not that strong. and theyre mostly weight lifters… ew, so folks tell me I’m crazy) so people expect me to bring up rock climbing or calisthenics when i pull out 10 muscle ups, front lever, back lever, handstand pushups, etc. also im super close to planche but no cigar yet.
ugh i rambled about calisthenics again
Coming from a culture without smalltalk I’ve never understood it. Why talk if there is nothing to be said?
It’s basically a super long form status check - how are you? What are your feelings towards recent weather? Have you heard of recent events? Has recent sports ball performance impacted your emotional stability?
If you ask me, it started from a “let’s see how likely this guy is to stab me if I let him in my house” kind of social ritual, you go through various topics and check if there is a strong emotional response.
It’s a tribal custom. Try some responses that make the other person either laugh or think. Often once the ice is broken, you don’t have to talk any more.
- Not dead yet
- Not dead yet, but the day is still young
- Can’t complain, no one listens anyway
- Some days are better than others
- Fine, why?
- Same as yesterday
- Not dead yet, but the day is still young
I’m going to start using this one. It’s simple and effective.
I like “Well enough.” In response to how’s it going, or similar non-questions.
there could be smth interesting to talk about that leads to another conversation. the folks in this thread prolly answer “fine” to everything then wonder why nobody wants to talk to them
its important to have interests to talk about tho
Also the dance of letting the conversation shift around without any kind of shared understanding helps too, which is why conversations with neurotypicals can be so exhausting.
Honestly I’m starting to doubt that neurotypical is actually the majority of people and most people are just good at pretending to be typical.
everyone’s faking it, no one knows what they’re doing and for some reason they’ve all silently agreed to act like they like it that way.
had a boss tell me something similar ages ago… for a while i was able to pretend i was ok with this, but honestly i’m sooo fucking tired.
it’s not even a dance. it’s chickens in a coop, trying to pretend they’re hawks, but they’re all fucking headlessdeleted by creator
What should I say and do in this situation?
Just listen to your heart!
Ok it says “thump thump” what am I supposed to do with that?
Stop overthinking and go with your feelings.
Ok I feel anxious and homesick goodbye.
Going with my feelings is how I make lots of enemies who don’t agree that meat is murder and gender is infinite. I don’t wanna do that!
I feel that.
Ok I feel anxious and homesick goodbye.
lmao. Just lmao
So I’m just supposed to know the spirit of the rules and not go by how they’re actually written?
Thanks…
The spirit of the rules is nobody gets visibly upset!
Yes, that does change based on who is present and how much they care about what is happening.
Unless it’s us that are upset, then we are the problem, not whoever makes us upset. I’m yet to figure out what’s the difference.
Who does everyone else expect to cause the least problems for being upset? That person is the ‘problem’ when everyone else was going to ignore the actual cause of the problem.
It is absolutely ridiculous and doesn’t make any actual sense beyond conflict avoidance.
That person is the ‘problem’ when everyone else was going to ignore the actual cause of the problem.
Exactly this, thank you for putting it into words so well.
ESP?
Extrasensory perception, like sixth sense, reading minds and whatnot
Ah. Thank you.
Extrasensory perception was popular with fringe scientists in the 80s. It was a plot point in Ghostbusters and is associated with psychics and seeing the dead.
I liked the movie The Men Who Stare at Goats. The idea that secret agencies actually believed enough in the existence of these things, back than in the sixties, is somehow fascinating. (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/MKUltra)
…now I get what you wanted to say. :)
As someone with an autistic friend I get both sides and find this both hilarious and heart breaking
points
Oh! Ooooh! I’ve seen this one!
lol
Written by the English Cricket Team
