I’ve had severe demand avoidance my whole life. If people interrupt me or keep trying to get my attention without considerable breaks, I get quite overwhelmed. I mean that I can easily go into a complete meltdown if someone continues to interrupt me after I’ve asked them to please stop, even if their interruption is seemingly helpful and selfless.
I seriously broke up with a girl that loved the hell out of me because she just couldn’t stop interrupting me when I was engaged in something. I completely blocked another friend I had for ~17 years after going on an international trip with him because after asking him repeatedly to please stop blurting out every single idea he has, to save them until I seem like I want to hear it. Nope, he just couldn’t do that. It is just completely unbearable for me, and after leaving the trip on my own earlier than planned, I blocked all opportunities for him to contact me. I would be happy to never hear from or of him ever again. That’s how much I cannot tolerate demands.
Aside from that, the best part of my day is when I go to bed to lie down for the night. It is my safe place where I know no one will interrupt me because everyone is asleep. This happens even if I live alone.
Unfortunately, the way this plays out is that I end up isolating myself and have pretty bad sleep issues since I basically stay in bed awake for hours at night. It’s like my body wakes up once I hit the bed, which is terrible for sleep hygiene. Last night, I went to best at midnight and didn’t fall asleep until 5am, so I’m exhausted-tired today.
I’m working with a therapist to develop a social circle that is healthier for me, so that’s on the horizon…hopefully. When I review my life, my favorite relationships are ones where I just co-exist with someone in the same space without much direct verbal interaction. I enjoy touch and sharing, but not if they talk a lot. And if they do talk a lot, I prefer if they keep the talking consolidated rather than spreading it out throughout the day. I can tolerate 2 hour conversations wayyy better than 6 hours of talking for 5 mins repeatedly.
Any other suggestions on how to manage this?
People grabbing my attention takes energy from me, and it takes me effort to get back into my thoughts. I can tolerate a lot of it on good days, but at some point my reaction is just resentment and anger. What you describe feels pretty similar?
For me it resulted in basically me being reclusive, and one pretty harsh breakup. My partner at the time would get anxious if she wasn’t constantly noticed was what it felt like. Like, blurting out thoughts, out loud from the other room if needed. And asking me to drop what I was doing to come do some token task of showing attention, like moving a small chair or holding a spoon. Some people just function like that, and they are happy with other people who are like them. It drove us both to depression.
I found happiness with picking pretty much like-minded friends, and a life partner who is pretty much allergic to small talk. We talk a lot, but it is different.
If what we have is similar enough, that’s the best advice I can give: Seek out other “quiet” people. Don’t try adjusting yourself to be with chattybatters, and don’t try to make them change.