Hi folks, I thought I’d create some content and share some experience and learning around any concerns I had about being childfree in my first 10 years after my tubal. I hope this can help those that are at this stage now.
I will say that 35 years after my tubal, I realized in retrospect, somewhere during that time, that I knew in my teens I didn’t want kids. I did go through a period, soon after my tubal at 24, of about 10 years where a lot of my friends tried to pressure me into either spending a ton of time with their kids or even adopt, where I wondered if I really wanted kids cuz I liked babies under 6 months of age. It wasn’t until I got close to someone and her newborn, where I spent plenty of time with her kid over the next 3 years and she was TOTALLY accepting of my decision and NEVER pushed an agenda. I finally realized I truly lost interest in the kid after about 6 months of age and knew I wasn’t interested, not because I was pushing back against acquaintances who were pushing their own agenda in opposition to mine, but because I JUST LOST INTEREST. It took a good, secure in their parenthood, friend to let me understand there was zero interest on my part.
As it turns out what I like about babies was the oxytocin hit from carrying them around, which I learned I could get from cats and small dogs, of which I have 2 now, and they stay small forever instead of just 6 months!
I’m glad you met someone who was supportive of your life choices. I do the same for anyone who is on the fence. It’s an extremely personal choice and no one should be lauded or derided for either decision.
I have kids. Love ‘‘em to death. But, damn, not everyone needs to be a parent. My wife and I would’ve been fine not having kids. It just turned out to be something we both wanted.
It’s a shame that other parents try and pressure others into a life changing decision. Be you and be happy!
A childless person saying “I can get the same hit from cats and small dogs” is like a cis man saying “I can get the same experience as childbirth by performing a large bowel movement”.
But most men never want to experience childbirth, and that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just like there’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids. But pets absolutely cannot replicate actual children, just like a bowel movement can never replicate the experience of childbirth.
They don’t want to “replicate actual children”. That much should have been pretty obvious. They want the good parts of affection without the lifelong implications.