Unhealthy relationships | Embrace Autism
embrace-autism.com
Autistic people are at a higher risk of victimization and revictimization. As such, here are some guidelines to recognize an unhealthy/abusive relationship.

A page covering reasons why autistic people are more likely to be abused, signs that they are being abused, and tactics that abusers use to abuse autistic people.

  • sapient [they/them]@infosec.pubEnglish
    2·
    1 年前

    I’ve had this experience so much, that I learned to stop sharing about myself. It’s so frustrating to try to relate, then the person looks at me like I’m self-centered and careless about their situation when I’m engaging so hard in their report that I’m feeling it.

    Damnn. I mean you might have gathered but I am personally very much at the point where if I get close with people they’re generally going to be accepting of this stuff (or more commonly they end up also being autistic lol ;p). If not, well, tough luck for them.

    Yes! I used to be confused as to who I was because I never really identified with either end of the introvert-extrovert spectrum. I didn’t like being completely alone and function better with people in the area sometimes, but I found people exhausting and I would often look forward to alone time. It was pretty confusing. Now that I know I’m autistic and learning about autistic brains, I’m realizing that I need to really be careful of whom I’m around and the sensory setting.

    I at least have had good luck on this front. I wrote another comment about how I experience sensory overload - I can usually put up with smaller amounts, as long as I recharge later, but too much and my exhaustion and irritation rises until nonresponsiveness, but its a bit more complex than that. Socialising I can’t get enough of when it’s with people who at least won’t nitpick - and preferrably will actively understand - the way I express myself .

    I am glad you have found the particular kind of liberation that comes from discovering that there are people who you can feel comfortable or understood with even if they can sometimes be rare ;p (though in my experience personally that set of people ends up self filtering and self expanding over time once you start seeking out people who are accepting of autistic traits or can understand them directly, and you stop trying to forcefully repress them)

    I think you make really good points and appreciate you taking the time to respond so thoroughly and with conviction. It was helpful to understand your perspective, and I even saved your comment. I also think that the world could benefit from hearing your ideas. Imagine if we could link a page/site of your perspective under the helpful resources rather than what have now. Have you ever considered making a blog, writing essays, or creating a wiki-style page on autism? If you’re interested in doing so, I would be happy to help and we can potentially integrate it to !autism@lemmy.world somehow.

    Thanks, I’m glad it was helpful, though I’m not like… a big expert or something. I do however spend a disproportionate amount of time analysing my own philosophy and thought processes.

    I do technically have a blog, but I haven’t updated it in ages (many months) and it’s more general-purpose. Some philosophy (usually transhumanism/anarchism/urbanism/trans-rights adjacent but it kinda relates to neurodiversity sometimes), some politics/tech, some code and infra stuff ^.^. It does have tagging though and there should be a neurodiversity tag on it, and all the tags have RSS feeds which you might be able to do something with - I have a thing I want to write about at somepoint soonish on some neurodiversity and philosophy stuff as well, but I have been busy with other projects… like always ;p

    It’s at https://sapients-site.netlify.app, as well as on neocities (and I want to set up a tor hidden service at some point… urls are too fragile. Maybe even something with i2p idk, though neocities has already got ipfs covered).

    • BOMBS@lemmy.worldMEnglish
      1·
      1 年前

      Sorry for the extra delayed response. The more in-depth comments take me a bit to process. Not only that, I also had a thorough response typed out that I accidentally lost when I clicked on something. 🤦

      Damnn. I mean you might have gathered but I am personally very much at the point where if I get close with people they’re generally going to be accepting of this stuff (or more commonly they end up also being autistic lol ;p). If not, well, tough luck for them.

      I’m happy for you! I’m working on getting there. I’ve been keeping notes of my experiences with people to become more aware of my interactions with them over longer time spans and my associated emotions.

      I experience sensory overload - I can usually put up with smaller amounts, as long as I recharge later, but too much and my exhaustion and irritation rises until nonresponsiveness

      I wasn’t aware I was autistic until early this year. Beforehand, I just thought I was broken or a shit human in social situations. Still, I experience the same thing, except that when I would ask for time alone or to for someone to stop overwhelming me and they didn’t stop, I would lose my cool and become directly insulting by pointing out their lack of respect, consideration, and boundaries. I wouldn’t do it with the intention to insult them, but I would not hold back on what I saw as purposeful behaviors to trigger my reaction. Now, I’ve been doing much better at keeping people like that out of my life. Finding out I am autistic has been one of the most helpful points of my life.

      Socialising I can’t get enough of when it’s with people who at least won’t nitpick - and preferrably will actively understand - the way I express myself .

      I haven’t gotten anywhere near building that social circle, but it’s motivating to know that it’s possible.

      I am glad you have found the particular kind of liberation that comes from discovering that there are people who you can feel comfortable or understood with

      Thank you!

      you stop trying to forcefully repress them)

      Yes! Not only have I stopped trying to mask, I’m finding it hard to mask now that I’ve taken off the mask. It’s weird, but I really like it.

      Thanks, I’m glad it was helpful

      You’re welcome! 😊

      I do however spend a disproportionate amount of time analysing my own philosophy and thought processes.

      I think that’s really cool 😎 I bet you’re an interesting person that can hold meaningful and insightful conversations.

      I do technically have a blog, but I haven’t updated it in ages (many months) and it’s more general-purpose. Some philosophy (usually transhumanism/anarchism/urbanism/trans-rights adjacent but it kinda relates to neurodiversity sometimes), some politics/tech, some code and infra stuff .. It does have tagging though and there should be a neurodiversity tag on it, and all the tags have RSS feeds which you might be able to do something with - I have a thing I want to write about at somepoint soonish on some neurodiversity and philosophy stuff as well, but I have been busy with other projects… like always ;p

      It’s at https://sapients-site.netlify.app, as well as on neocities (and I want to set up a tor hidden service at some point… urls are too fragile. Maybe even something with i2p idk, though neocities has already got ipfs covered).

      One of the suggestions we received from the community was to develop a wiki-style page for our community. While the mods have started working on a glossary, we can’t gotten anywhere near building a wiki. If you’re interested, maybe you can helps out out with a wiki. We can create a shared Google Docs (or other system that’s FOSS) to build one. It’s completely fine if you don’t want to. We get it. It’s a lot of work.

      • sapient [they/them]@infosec.pubEnglish
        2·
        1 年前

        Sorry for the extra delayed response. The more in-depth comments take me a bit to process. Not only that, I also had a thorough response typed out that I accidentally lost when I clicked on something. 🤦

        Dw :) i get that. And that is super annoying when it happens.

        I’m happy for you! I’m working on getting there. I’ve been keeping notes of my experiences with people to become more aware of my interactions with them over longer time spans and my associated emotions.

        Now that’s certainly an interesting idea. Generally for me I’m quite hypersensitive to if someone makes me feel like shit often (in particular, I will remember certain types of Red Flag events or behaviour forever, like they are burned into my memory), so I have less of an issue with needing to do this.

        I’ve not considered doing that as a general thing though, even if I do spend time analysing my own thought patterns while with other people so I do do that a bit by simple coincidence .

        I wasn’t aware I was autistic until early this year. Beforehand, I just thought I was broken or a shit human in social situations. Still, I experience the same thing, except that when I would ask for time alone or to for someone to stop overwhelming me and they didn’t stop, I would lose my cool and become directly insulting by pointing out their lack of respect, consideration, and boundaries. I wouldn’t do it with the intention to insult them, but I would not hold back on what I saw as purposeful behaviors to trigger my reaction. Now, I’ve been doing much better at keeping people like that out of my life. Finding out I am autistic has been one of the most helpful points of my life.

        People who actually respect your own needs and boundaries rather than just ignoring them are great :)

        For me I find the most important thing is finding people who understand sensory overload. As long there isn’t more than one conversation going on around me (too many people talking at once is very stressful), the main thing for me is overload from light/noise/smell/heat (especially heat) etc.

        When its with aother autistic people (or neurotypical people who actually try to get it) I usually find conversations the opposite of overloading as long as I’ve not reached a threshold of general sensory overload or stress and emotional frustration from poor coordination/planning/predictability/cohesion in terms of what to do or where to go.

        Often for me it can be more just being physically around other people who I feel comfortable with even if I feel too exhausted or overloaded to talk/do language ., for me I will endure quite bad sensory overload to be around people I like even if I don’t talk very much/become much less verbal… though that’s more sensory overload, but other types that are rarer for me, like emotional overload, are a bit different.

        But yeah for sure being around people who don’t set off these kinds of things and don’t ignore things like overload is great (it’s one of the things I find other autistic people are good about when socialising with… if you say you’re experiencing sensory overload they often will understand, and I have found that they can sometimes tell when I am experiencing that and vice-versa ;p, and ask if I am doing ok etc.)

        I haven’t gotten anywhere near building that social circle, but it’s motivating to know that it’s possible.

        Yes, it is great :)

        Yes! Not only have I stopped trying to mask, I’m finding it hard to mask now that I’ve taken off the mask. It’s weird, but I really like it.

        Yeah, I know other people who’ve done this. I could never mask effectively but trying to do so made me feel… empty. In a horrible way. I couldn’t re-mask or re-try-to-mask to any significant degree now even if I wanted to (and the way it feels… nope. Even just the minor scripts I still use sometimes feel wrong and un-genuine and dissociatey a lot).

        Deconstructing the mask - or the poor attenpt at one, in my case - has been amazing for my mental health at least. It’s good, for me, to feel like myself.

        I think that’s really cool 😎 I bet you’re an interesting person that can hold meaningful and insightful conversations.

        I enjoy doing it, and thanks ;p. The main thing is I like to understand why I believe and feel and act like what I do, make my own views more consistent.

        I do have lots of strong philosophical and political viewpoints because of it though, it can cause some fun and spicy conversations sometimes ;3

        One of the suggestions we received from the community was to develop a wiki-style page for our community. While the mods have started working on a glossary, we can’t gotten anywhere near building a wiki. If you’re interested, maybe you can helps out out with a wiki. We can create a shared Google Docs (or other system that’s FOSS) to build one. It’s completely fine if you don’t want to. We get it. It’s a lot of work.

        I don’t mind contributing to a wiki, though I’m not in a position to create one from scratch rn (I have already got a lot of projects, some FOSS stuff, technology stuff, etc.) but if you want technical advice and information on how to set something up I can compile information and take questions, I just wouldn’t be able to actually administrate it.

        If you want FOSS collab tools, https://cryptpad.fr/ is pretty decent last I checked.

        • BOMBS@lemmy.worldMEnglish
          1·
          1 年前

          I really appreciate your validation and letting me know that it’s possible to achieve what you have. It’s motivating and helps me have hope. Thank you very much!

          I saved your comment in case we jump on the wiki page. When I brought it up to one of the moderators, we got stuck on the technical part. I’ll also look into the link you provided Thanks again, and I hope you’re doing well 🙂