I am starting to care now that I’m transitioning.

I’d rather be a floating consciousness and not have a body at all.

I like to be fashionable but my executive dysfunction always sabotages me and I wear t-shirt and sweatpants every day. I have a closet full of cute clothes that never get worn because coordinating an outfit and making sure everything is clean and unwrinkled is too much effort

Where’s that cyclical meme where it’s like wear clothes --> now you have to wash them --> wear clothes --> now you have to wash them

Reading between the lines, it kind of sounds like you’re talking to some people who have a very limiting view of clothing. The clothes you wear matter because they inevitably express something about yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to meet certain arbitrary standards (like 80% of people do not pick colors based on their skin tone.) If you’re someone who prioritizes comfort, your clothes will tell people that, and maybe in certain social situations a few people will be less interested in talking to you, but I’d wager that it was already more trouble than it’s worth to try to gain their approval.

Most of my outfits are black jeans and black band tees tho. Low effort but reasonably cool by some standards, including mine.

I’m trying to get more into fashion myself but it does seem a bit alienating? I don’t even fully understand how to procure recommended fits and stuff. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s the reason you have trouble “making friends”, but it probably does hinder your dating opportunities.

I’m not exactly sure how I’m supposed to tell what colors best suit my skin tone/go well together

I’m not sure why something so minor would make or break continuing to hang out with someone but it seems like that is that case

What I can tell you for sure it’s that it’s not just the colors you’re wearing, usually you can just not think about it too much and combine your tans and your whites, or your blacks with, errr, more black and not do too badly. But there’s a world of difference between wearing a logo t and a properly fitting button-up shirt with a sports coat. like certain clothes are tailored to enhance the form of your body and certain clothes do not. Suits are meant to make your shoulders look broader and your waist seem slimmer, for example, which makes for a more pleasant sillhouette. On the contrary, most body types do badly when wearing a t-shirt. That’s really what makes the difference here. Unfortunately I don’t have specific tips, except that if someone is threatening to end your friendship over your fashion sense, at least pester them for some advice first? I mean what kind of shitty friend breaks up a friendship over clothes lol

I think it’s important to care about what you’re wearing, because our clothing is an extension of ourselves. You don’t need to find out what the “right” outfit or style is for you, but I also think that not caring about what you’re wearing can have an effect on those around you, no different than not caring about other stuff, even minor stuff.

To use a related analogy. There’s nothing wrong with not liking a movie, or any movies. But if you immediately follow any mention of a movie in a conversation with the response “I don’t like that movie” you shouldn’t be surprised if no one wants to hang out with you. People don’t like to have the things they enjoy shit on, even unintentionally. And for some people that includes “fashion” and whatever that means to them.

In the same light, your clothes might reflect a negative attitude that you are not intending. Even if unfair, the easiest thing to do in my opinion would be to come up with a more consistent set of clothes you want to wear and prioritize that. Being more consistent would make others less likely to notice what you’re wearing. It might make all the difference for you and you’ll never need to ask about color pallets. 😄

I hope this helps you.

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I appreciate other people looking cool if they want to, but I’ve always collected an ever increasing wardrobe of the same exact shirt and a bunch of semi-identical shorts.

I jokingly say that “fashion is a bourgeois invention to sell more clothes” a lot, but the more I look into I might actually be onto something there. Humans all look like lumps of flesh packed in bags of skin, I don’t see how the fabric bag on top makes them any more interesting.

My partner does and I want to care once I go on HRT but i def don’t reall want to care about “trends”, more like I want to get my own aesthetic/style which tbf might not be the samething as caring about “fashion”

I stopped caring for a while, as the baggy earthern clothes I liked fell out of style. For years I just wore black graphic T’s and jeans from the Ace Hardware that I’d wear till they were full of stitches and rips. But now with that sort of cottagecore look coming back, I can wear loose and breathable clothes again. It really boosted both my mood and a certain level of my self-esteem knowing I could curate a look again. So now I do care, and I finally have enough hours away from work and less stringent dress codes that I can feel like a person again.

You don’t have to be fashionable. But it might be good to cultivate a sense of personal style. What clothes do you just think are neat. Hats? waistcoats? Odd streetwear jackets? 90s designer Cargo Pants with the sewn-in drop boxers? Activewear in nauseating 80s fluro? Full 1680s court ensemble? You can wear it!

Now, most of your ideas and early attempts will be awful, but you kind of have to be awful for awhile as you find your groove. Not everyone will like your fashion even then. But some people will really like it.

Wear what you like, and as you do, research how to make it look even better. Then ignore that advice, realise your terrible mistake, and roll back to something uniquely you.

AuDHD here, yes and no. I had it on that ADHD obsession wave, not the autism special interest wave so similar but not quite the same. I know a lot about it, but it’s ultimately not for me, and I don’t care about fashion in my day to day life. I was able to use it to improve my life as an autistic person and a trans woman through learning about fashion, even when I learned men’s fashion far more.

To answer things from what I’d consider most to least important. Anything I say has no sarcasm or joking tone unless I indicate it.

First off, it shouldn’t make or break whether or not someone talks to you. Autistic people typically do not understand social norms at an intuitive level, and fashion is widely social norms. To me, someone dressing in a bad color scheme is an indication that I should try to befriend them because I like autistic people more than allistic people. You shouldn’t be chastised for not dressing fashionably. I honestly view it as a small form of ableism because neurodiverse people widely have a hard time participating in the wider fashion world whether it’s physical or mental.

As for the dating side, yeah, they kinda should judge you on how you dress. There is someone of your preferred gender that dresses the exact same “don’t give a fuck” way, there are people that will be on that wavelength, and you’d probably be a good fit for them. However (as someone that also gets dressed like that) most people don’t dress like that because they view clothing and their overall image into the category of self care. Dressing in things that don’t look good will make you look like you don’t take care of yourself to people who think it doesn’t look good. Different strokes for different folks though. Someone will think it looks like a green light.

How do you balance these things? Curate your closet better. You don’t need 1000+ shirts, any special brands, or any hyped shoes. Having a set of clothing that you think looks good and versatile, and small enough to be regularly washed, will make you feel more confident and look better consistently. Grabbing shit off the top of the laundry pile is fine, I’m the same way. But when most people get the bulk of their tshirts from events with a shit ton of sponsors all over the shirt and some weird ass color, mixing and matching just doesn’t look good.

Another tip is to get a versatile “signature” piece of clothing, because people really like that. My item before I came out was a khaki bomber jacket. After I came out, some rose tinted sun glasses. I purposely built out an outward appearance of who I was because it made me feel more confident in myself, and that went further in my life. Steve Jobs sure as hell didn’t think about dressing himself every morning, but we know him as jeans and a turtle neck. You don’t have to care about fashion in your day to day life, but curating a look and larger identity make us feel better about ourselves and gets us treated better.

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