I am posting this here because my experience accepting myself as polyamorous mirrors the process of acceptance and coming-out that was required by my other queer identities.
Just as our culture coerces heteronormativity, so too does it coerce mononormativity- the idea that love should be monoamous. We are taught that love can only exist between two people, that to love more than one person is wrong.
Why? Why should we feel jealous if our lover loves another? To love is the greatest joy in a human life; I would never deprive one I love of such joy. Nor could I be with anyone who would so deprive me. How vile a thought, to look upon two people and say, “Your love is wrong; I will not allow it.”
For years I thought I was going to hell because I fell in love again after getting married. Today, I am with both of them, and I am in heaven.
unironically braver & stronger than the troops. Poly is a crash course in time management and open communication, and while it’s not the life for me, I sure af dont mind my partner seeing others
It helps a lot to have a day of the week set in stone where my boyfriend and I are together. My spouse and his boyfriend do well to have a day to themselves, too. Having two lovers is sincerely far easier than I expected.
no more half measures walter
Going all the way to double measures here
spouse named measure
Gods yeah I’m finally in a relationship where my polyamory is actually accepted and it’s sooo nice. I’m still getting used to not having to walk on eggshells around my partner when talking about relations I have with other ppl. I’m so so glad I got out of my abusive monogamous relationship
Monogamy breeds controlling abuse. I am very happy for you to have your agency back.
I’ve been having to remind myself of this a lot recently. My partner and I have talked about polyamory, and they’ve come to the conclusion that they aren’t comfortable with it which is of course fine. But recently I’ve started to develop feelings for a friend and it’s been making me feel really shitty, not because I’m unhappy with my partner but because I know they aren’t into it and I want them to be enough for me.
Fuck idk where I’m going with this sorry for ranting lol.
Quashing feelings for friends for the sake of a monogamous relationship feels real shitty, but I keep reminding myself that my current relationship is worth it.
I was in the exact same situation. I developed feelings for someone; I hoped they would go away if I ignored them. The feelings got more severe. My brain started doing horrible things to itself to hide those feelings. There’s entire gaps in my memory as my mind blacked out anything that would betray the truth that I had fallen in love. Eventually I confessed to that friend, and thank god I did. While I was relieved my feelings were reciprocated, I realized had our mutual love ambushed us in an intimate setting we both would have cheated.
It is okay to acknowledge your feelings. It is okay that polyamory may be an aspect of your romantic orientation. While we cannot decide who we fall in love with, we can decide who we love (verb). No one else controls who I love.
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Don’t develop feelings or don’t feel shitty about it?
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I mean it’s not really a situation, I just don’t act on those feelings and my partner and I have discussed it. The fact that I feel shitty about it kinda irrational, I know there’s nothing wrong with polyamory, nothing wrong with having feelings outside of a monogamous relationship but so many years of enforced mononormativity makes it hard to remember sometimes
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Oh no, what I mean is it’s irrational to feel bad for something I haven’t done and have no intention of doing, and that cis het society is what makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong by thinking about polyamory as an option.
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Feelings aren’t so easily controlled. You can’t just say “well this feeling is bad to have, therefor I will not have it”.
Can we add polyamory to our pride bears?
