I had like an interaction where I had some decent clues that a person only introduces their pronouns after they clocked me, e.g. other people didn’t do pronoun intro before, the way the “ally in question” did it felt pretty artificial (I am willing to write that off on being paranoid).

The message is “I know you are trans, you are not passing, but I am graciously allowing you to exist in this group setting”. Same goes for only doing pronoun checks in a group setting when you clock a trans person. I find it worse than assuming wrong pronouns and switching after being gently corrected. Maybe because I have higher standards of would-be allies than the average person. After all, allies are supposed to have my back, not just not having a hitler particles detector moment when I pass by. On the other hand, I have it easy for being okay with being a semi-binary trans woman, so obv enby struggles are another thing, but clocking still stings like a removed.

Pronoun checks should be normalized to a point cis people do it intuitively, but idk if we will ever get there. If you wanna chime in, when and how did you call that behaviour out or point it out, if you saw it? Did your response work?

  • vomit_sounds [any]@hexbear.netOP
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    11 months ago

    Yeah true, I know it is not supposed to be like my job to have people have better takes, but I guess those are leftovers from former experiences where not getting gendered correctly was made to be my fault (btw happened in context of supposedly queer-friendly groups lmao)

    • happyandhappy [she/her]@hexbear.net
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      11 months ago

      yea i definitely empathize with that. i do have different standards for left/queer spaces for sure as well, and i think that separation makes it easier for me to deal with otherwise