I’ve become aware, as I get older, how my initial emotional reaction to conflict isn’t always fair and is usually pointed backward, defensive and angry. I also know that I do better if I have time alone to process how I’m feeling, and often by the time I’m done things have moved on.
What I’ve been working on is to stop using excuses - the moment has passed, I’d just be dredging up the same argument, I’ve had this conversation in my head a bunch but they never turn out exactly right - and just go back to the people involved and tell them how I feel because they deserve that effort. There have been disagreements I’ve had where I wasn’t in the wrong but the other party did something I can admire and appreciate, and it doesn’t hurt me any to say that.
And it never ends with what I imagine is “argument perfection”: a point by point discussion of intent and action and history. Which is silly because life is messy but it gets better and I and others grow more patient and willing to move forward if I’m not always bracing for a blow.
That’s…probably a bit confusing, but it’s been something I’ve been mulling over, so…what personality traits of yours are you working on?
My default setting is to take care of others. I got perilously close to ending my own life over the last year or so. So I’m trying to learn to put myself first long enough to see my youngest turn 18. Without me, my kids would have to go back to live with an abuser. I only have to survive 4 more years.
Because your kids won’t need a parent once they turn 18?
Because I can finally put myself first.
Don’t worry if you were in my life, I’d put you first ;)
If you want to talk drop me a message.
I love you.
Recovery takes one step at a time
Talk less, listen more. Not by choise, mind you. Ever since the pandemic my social interactions have steadily declined. At this point I sometimes spend days without verbally saying anything