Slaanesh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net

Slaanesh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net

Lil vent post as a treat.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago now (in my 30s). When I first got the diagnosis I binged a bunch of shit to try helping me, my therapy got ADHD focused and I got medicated. And it fucking sucks.

Going through the motions of “I made it this far how bad can it be” and “I was a ‘good’ kid” from friends and family and not even realizing yourself how shit it’s been, and even avoiding places like this because “it’s not the deliberating of a neurodiversity, these places aren’t for me”.

Trying to figure out your medication and getting shit on for taking stims and knowing you’re going to have to keep upping the dosage until your doctor refuses. Every once in a while having to have that week of fucking sweaty shit fest when you do up, then not that long later not knowing if you took your pill or not.

I feel like a recently made a breakthrough in therapy, I had a great week, super productive but running out of shit to do and feeling guilty I’m taking it easy. And I feel like I’m only this far cause I take an extra dose before doing tasks (concerta in the morning, ritalin when I need/want) and I feel guilty and that I’m abusing a medication, and fear it won’t fucking last. Fearing that I’m just obsessives over the fucking master list and daily list and I’m just going to get sick of it and default back (this isn’t the first time). Knowing I need long-term goals and hobbies, but afraid of jumping into anything because I fear getting bored or distracted from them. It feels like the only way to be functioning is to continue to shove a square peg into a round hole, just with more force, until I fucking die.

And just like… realizing how shit life has been, where I really am starting from, the relationships I’ve damaged or lost out on, and the fucking rage at myself and those around me for not noticing it sooner, when literally all the signs were there. I know this one is not fair, and it is irrational, I don’t blame my mother or anything like that… I just… grieve at what could have been if I was diagnosed as a child. And even that sucks cause I am “ok”. Like I can’t even be mad.

It fucking sucks.

Rules

1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them

2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence

2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals

3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven’t personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you’re ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another’s, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who’s experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm’d.

3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith

4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!

Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input

RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don’t be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed

ADHD sucks

ADHD sucks