I have pretty much given up on being social at all any more because of how much I seem to resist it, even though I WANT to go out and do things and make more friends and be consistent. But it’s just so exhausting, I dissociate when I’m out and about unless I’m drunk, I get super anxious about what to talk about, etc etc. I’ve been going to punk and metal shows for like 20+ years but now I pretty much have resigned myself to the fact that I just am not gonna go anymore because I just disappoint myself again and again after I tell myself I wanna go, but then when it comes down to it I figure out a way to just avoid it. And that makes me sad.
I’m AuDHD, and currently exploring meds. Has anyone noticed an impoved ability to socialize/go out in public when medicated?
Honestly I don’t know. Keep in mind it’s also the “type” you have as well. My type is mixed, and I’m fortunate enough to have a “high IQ” (according to the assessment, I know it’s a troublesome metric, please don’t shoot me lol) so that may play into it as well.
I have similar hobbies, and I always feel better engaging with them. But, sometimes that also wasn’t enough. I would have to yell internally or externally “Jesus Christ rando895” to push through the dysfunction, and it worked less and less as I got older.
People can recommend so many strategies to work on things that are difficult (prep food ahead of time, let yourself order out once or twice a week, etc.) but that may or may not work for you, and ultimately I think you (me as well) have to try a bunch of different things to see what works, and never stop trying new things. It’s also sort of a hack to let your brain seek new interesting things to get the sweet feel good chemicals lol.
As far as the meds, most of what I’ve said is me trying to piece together my feelings and observations:
My brain is quieter, sort of. I am far more eloquent when I speak, and much more clear. I think this is indicative of better focus, memory, and brain function.
There is almost never a wall of molasses I need to move my thoughts through to do simple tasks like the dishes or sweeping.
So I guess what happens, is if I, say, pull out my phone to dissociate for a bit, I might realize “I really don’t need to do this, I’m fine” and can usually stop. Then, that leads to the thoughts “wow, was that a coping mechanism?”.
Another example:
Hyper fixation (and impulsivity) on upgrading my computer. The coping mechanism (I didn’t know until recently) was this:
I really want to upgrade my computer (this means it WILL happen).
So, I would research everything about the games, performance, what is the best upgrade, where are the better prices, etc. This forced me to not spend money impulsively. But, it’s exhausting and takes up so much time.
Recognizing this now it’s a bit different:
“I want to upgrade my computer.” But then I think " But why? My games and apps work fine. " And that is basically the end of it, usually.
Meds aren’t perfect and this has been my experience and attempts at understanding my situation. If it helps, I was diagnosed a few months ago, recently started meds, and I’m in my 30’s.
Ohh, and information dumps are still (clearly) a thing that I frequently engage in lol. I hope it’s at least a little useful.
Oh dang, that part about hyper fixation is real. I will research and research about a few different subjects and get really excited to do them (sewing, darning, bike camping, etc) and I may just do it once or not at all. It’s like I find the research satisfying enough to not nees to do it. Like i get lil dopamine hits from daydreaming about it without needing to execute a real world plan which requires dealing with all the nitty gritty steps that make the activity overwhelming. I’d love yo.just skip to the “just do it” part.
I scroll on my phone all day long, too. Sometimes for 9+ hours on weekends, it’s really embarrassing :/ it would be a god send to be able to put it down and even just focus on movies more often or read at the very least
Also, if you just enjoy the research part, where’s the harm in that?
As far as the phone: me too. Removing apps can help. Put it out of your field of view. Stuff like that. Still it’s super hard
The research part is fun, but it’s the part where I get bummed out about not actually doing the thing that’s the problem. I hope if I start stimulants, I can have the best of both worlds! I’m glad that it seems to have helped you so much