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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 18th, 2023

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  • First of all it’s completely understandable for you to feel frustrated and stressed in a situation like this. You really don’t have the power to fix other people’s problems. Have you ever been to a therapist? The one constant among good therapists is that they don’t give you advice. They don’t tell you what to do. And they don’t try to fix the problems in your life. But they do end up helping you. So what do they know that the rest of us don’t? They know that the best way to help someone is to listen supportively, to validate their feelings, and to give them a chance to think about their life while leaning on the emotional support of someone who cares about them. There’s more but that’s a good start. And if you can do that you really are helping a lot more than you think.

    Take as an example, a conversation I had with my wife today (remembered as well as I can). She was in a really bad mood and wasn’t talking with me.
    I asked her “what’s got you feeling down today?”
    She angrily said she didn’t want to talk with me about it because she knew what I would say and she didn’t want to hear it.
    (That, by the way, is a pretty clear hint that someone is not in present time emotionally.)
    I said “so you’re saying I’m never supportive of you when you’re upset?”
    She said “I’m feeling overworked and stressed. There’s always too much to do. And I know you are just going to say you also have too much to do.”
    I said “I did say ‘I feel the same way’ once when you said you could use a day off. But that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate that you’re overworked. I understand. There’s a lot going on right now and it’s hard to keep up.”
    She continued talking about how she felt. I continued validating her feelings. And she cheered up and her mood improved.

    My point is, “just being there” is code for listening supportively, validating someone’s feelings, and helping them regain the balance they need to address their problems themselves.

    Edit: to be clear, I’m no saint. Sometimes I’m the grumpy one and my wife is the paitent one. It works both ways.





  • Have you ever tried telling a friend that you didn’t like their partner and they should not be together? They are much more likely to get mad at you and stop talking with you than they are to leave their partner. Just search the advice columns on ‘how to tell a friend their partner is bad’. Every one is filled with comments like “I did that and they got mad at me”, or “we told her and she ignored us and keeps going back”. I’m not really surprised nobody intervened.

    I wonder if you were mostly angry at yourself for being in that situation. Maybe angry you could be so foolish or naive. Then you projected that anger onto your friends and family. Anyways, I’m glad you made it through that period.


  • cygnosis@lemmy.worldtoLemmy Shitpost@lemmy.worldThe reward
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    1 year ago

    It’s funny to see this comment downvoted so heavily (-14 at the time). I wonder if it’s disagreement or just “I don’t like that idea”…

    The simple facts are we’ve dumped over 2 trillion tons of CO2 into the atmosphere. A bit over half has been absorbed by the oceans. We have no realistic way of removing it. And combined with other GHGs it’s driving an unstoppable global warming. We can talk about reducing emissions and renewables. But even if we stopped all emissions today, it still wouldn’t be enough to prevent the global average temperature from continuing to increase.


  • I’m playing that one now too. You’re right, it’s annoying that you can only drive for like two or three minutes on the bike before it’s out of fuel. But I quickly got used to looking for fuel cans and planning around gas stations. There are enough of them. It’s a deliberate choice, I think, to increase your engagement with the world and prevent you from just driving through it.

    Overall I’m very impressed with the game. The story is really engaging. The gameplay and mechanics are solid and well balanced. The rules are not always intuitive, but once you learn them they are consistent. The longer I play it the more time I want to spend with it.