I’ve got the credentials to back it up, but it’s an extremely rare day I’ve ever been asked for ID. If they ask, just say you don’t have it. It’s that easy, get 10% off! Heck, there’s a restaurant that I like that does 25%!!
This veterans day, take some valor for yourself! You’re a class war veteran!!! 
bit idea:
same deal, but instead flash the inquisitor your genitals and say you got scabies while stationed in San Diego.
“I got my dick blown off by a land mine in Thailand! Look at what the surgeons had to do to me! LOOK AT IT!”
“when i came back from Luang Prabang I didn’t have a thing where my balls used to hang”
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy: