Eh I kinda get it, some of the work I do is fun and rewarding and brings meaning (such as it is) to my life. However I had a dalliance with some strong devil’s lettuce about a decade ago that led to a hospital visit and general de-realization and such and it did send me through a “this is all pointless and stupid and life is a joke” nihilistic spiral for a few years. I’m now in a fairly happy place and wouldn’t want to risk fucking that up by going on a wild trip.
Weird; for me it was like it temporarily shut down the part of my brain that was sort of controlling which aspects of my personality/self were “allowed” to be at the forefront, and all of a sudden it was like I had these disparate personality fragments all competing for the proverbial driver’s seat. Well, that and some really bizarre memory recall episodes back to my childhood – vague sensations of being in places like my old bedroom when I was a kid, etc., like a tarp had been lifted off some old memories that were tucked away in storage.
At any rate, the aftermath of that experience was the realization that I had been actively suppressing feminine aspects of my “self” (due largely to conditioning that was quite literally beaten into me as a kid) and that got me to more closely examine my relationship with my own gender identity. In other words, take enough D8 and/or D9, and you might just come out the other end of it realizing that you’re trans. lol
Eh I kinda get it, some of the work I do is fun and rewarding and brings meaning (such as it is) to my life. However I had a dalliance with some strong devil’s lettuce about a decade ago that led to a hospital visit and general de-realization and such and it did send me through a “this is all pointless and stupid and life is a joke” nihilistic spiral for a few years. I’m now in a fairly happy place and wouldn’t want to risk fucking that up by going on a wild trip.
Weird; for me it was like it temporarily shut down the part of my brain that was sort of controlling which aspects of my personality/self were “allowed” to be at the forefront, and all of a sudden it was like I had these disparate personality fragments all competing for the proverbial driver’s seat. Well, that and some really bizarre memory recall episodes back to my childhood – vague sensations of being in places like my old bedroom when I was a kid, etc., like a tarp had been lifted off some old memories that were tucked away in storage.
At any rate, the aftermath of that experience was the realization that I had been actively suppressing feminine aspects of my “self” (due largely to conditioning that was quite literally beaten into me as a kid) and that got me to more closely examine my relationship with my own gender identity. In other words, take enough D8 and/or D9, and you might just come out the other end of it realizing that you’re trans. lol