I feel like I have been deteriorating for months. I haven’t wanted to do anything and talk to anyone. Even playing video games feels like more work than I’m willing to do. I don’t want to leave bed and just want to sleep permanently.

I’m lucky that I work from home and have a slow enough job that I can regularly shirk responsibility without anyone noticing. I’m also lucky that I still live with my parents and have some people around. But I can’t keep living like this. Despite having a full time job, I’m living like a NEET.

I’m already seeing a therapist and getting medication from a shrink. That doesn’t seem to be making a difference. Between support from professionals and family members and professionals, I’m getting more than enough help for most people to get back on their feet. Yet for some reason it’s not enough for me.

I can only conclude at this point that the reason I’m continuing to get worse is that I refuse to take personal responsibility. I know “personal responsibility” isn’t enough in most cases where systemic issues keep people down, but I’m ridiculously privileged, as in “has never faced anything resembling real hardship” privileged. The system is set up for shits like me to do well and I still can’t pick myself up. It doesn’t help that I have less self discipline than a teenage twitter anarchist who wants to abolish bedtime.

How do I get myself to stop being so lazy and do something? I’m tired of being little more than a parasitic slug.

  • @m532
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    71 year ago

    Landlords are parasitic because they are rent seekers. Everyone deserves living in a house for free. Claiming things according to your needs is completely normal and a sign of not being corrupted by neoliberalism. The rent seekers want you to think you don’t deserve the things you get. They are projecting, as always.

  • Red Phoenix
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    61 year ago

    Let revolution and the coming brighter future be your fuel comrade. There is much work to be done. I was listening to The Basic Revolutionary Attitude from ARAK the other day and I really liked it. I think it is relevant and will help:

    https://youtu.be/zyQinOSteeQ

  • @redtea
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    61 year ago

    Make some progress every day, no matter how small. Start writing a journal to figure things out. Keep it private, otherwise you’ll create pressures that won’t help.

    What do you need to take personal responsibility for?

    What do you want to achieve?

    What do you want out of life?

    What do you want out of the next week, month, six months, year, decade?

    Don’t answer these questions here. You can give broad brush strokes if you wish, but this is personal. If you figure out want you want and where you want to go, you can work backwards and work out the steps you need to take to get there.

    Edit:

    What are your values?

    Are you fulfilling your values? If not, which ones, in what part of your life, and why?

    Log you’re average day. Hours sleeping, eating, at work, everything. You can also be more detailed with ‘at work’.

    Now imagine how you want to spend your days, including with work stuff, and consider how this relates to and would fulfill your values.

    You can do this in your mind, but on paper may be more helpful.

    Work out how to get from your current to your ideal day-to-day. If you can align your life with your values you may be more motivated. This won’t solve everything, but it may help.

    If there was a revolution this evening and the new communist state asked you tomorrow to help build the new world, would you be motivated to help? If so, I’m guessing you would (at least ideally) want to throw yourself in to this meaningful activity. If that’s the case, then it may help to identify meaningful activity that is possible to achieve before the revolution, and motivate you to work towards that activity.

    Again, these are personal questions, so don’t share all the details with us!

    Edit: simplified the comment.

  • @TeezyZeezy
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    61 year ago

    I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I can relate, and it’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

    Ultimately, there is no “right” way to live. That is up to you. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re not a parasitic slug. You’re a human being with real experiences, emotions, memories, etc., and there is no shame in struggling. You may be more privileged than others, but that does not discount your suffering. We all have a top problem, and when judged from the outside, yes, struggling through say a famine is likely worse than what you or I are going through, but objective analysis does no good here. It does not fix either issue, it only makes you feel worse about yours.

    I am still struggling with similar issues myself. Spinning my wheels and getting nowhere, it seems. Here’s what I think.

    Many people are searching for pleasure and whatever dopamine hits they can score in this hellhole of a society in absence of having a true purpose. A recent video essay I watched hit the nail on the head; those with meaning, who feel they’ve found their true purpose in something, are able to persevere through incredibly difficult times and often produce great outcomes afterwards. Perhaps you need to find a meaning.

    This is not an easy thing to do, I don’t want to make it sound like you should just pick up some hobby and run with it. But if you can find something that really ignites a flame deep inside of you, something that keeps you going, you’re much more likely to find happiness and fulfillment than by simply chasing pleasure. For me, that flame ignites among the masses. Change made by the people and anything with revolutionary sentiment (with the people in mind of course) stirs something up inside of me that can’t be described in words. It is liberating. This is what keeps me going, the potential of a better world for us all.

    This is just my understanding of that philosophy and my two cents. I could be totally wrong. I wish I could provide more than just kind words of advice.

    Keep going, my friend. You’ll make it through the night. And then the next. And then the next. You are stronger than you feel.

  • @LeninismydadM
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    English
    31 year ago

    Are you USian or European?

    If you are from the US and have okay insurance, I suggest finding a non-CBT therapist, some in this group may frown upon it, but I felt similar feelings for a long while even though I was getting CBT, I switched to a Lacanian Psychoanalyst and she helped me tremendously. Most are anti-capitalist and acknowledge the effect the system has on our mental health and wellbeing. I know in a lot of the west they crack jokes about psychoanalysis, but the contemporary form is a lot more refined and changed with time. There aren’t that many around in Europe or the US but most will meet over video conference or telephone and in the US will do sliding scale if not in network or have bad insurance. I meet with mine over Zoom, she’s in France and I am in HK.

    I promise things can get better, even if it feels like you are choking a bit on your own self loathing. Privilege doesn’t discount your from the all consuming presence of our economic system, everyone, regardless of privilege, has or is currently struggling because of the system. You can find your way through the worst of it, I promise.

    Find your zone of support, friends you trust whether in person or online, you can always vent here and the community will be here for you.