In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that while China has been busy building high-speed trains that can reach speeds of over 400 km/h, the United States has been quietly perfecting the art of building slow, dirty trains that are constantly breaking down.

The Chinese government has long touted its impressive train system as a symbol of the country’s modernity and technological prowess. But little did they know, the US had been secretly working on a different kind of train system – one that is not only slow and dirty, but also prone to frequent breakdowns.

Despite the obvious disadvantage of having trains that move at a snail’s pace and are covered in grime, the US government insists that this is the way of the future. “Why bother with high-speed trains that get you to your destination quickly and efficiently, when you can experience the true thrill of being stuck on a train for hours on end, not knowing if or when it will ever reach its destination?” said a spokesperson for the US Department of Transportation.

The Chinese government, for its part, is said to be furious about this revelation. “We spent billions of dollars building a world-class train system, only to find out that the US has been one-upping us with their slow, dirty trains,” said a high-ranking Chinese official. “We demand that the US immediately cease and desist from building these terrible trains and focus on building something that actually works.”

Despite the Chinese government’s demands, the US shows no signs of slowing down in its quest to build the world’s slowest, dirtiest trains. In fact, the government has announced plans to expand the program, with the goal of having at most one working train in the US at any given time by the end of the year.

It seems that while China may have won the race to build the fastest trains, the US is determined to win the race to build the worst.

  • JucheBot1988
    link
    21 year ago

    Okay, this is some Onion-quality content.