Earlier this week, a renowned doctor at U of T, that some consider a world-leading theorist in his field, has “confirmed” China is located in its own parallel universe.

“I ran the numbers”, the doctor confides to the China Bad Times, “and no matter how much I twisted them, they always came to the same conclusion: China is located in its own parallel universe”.

This discovery opens up many new possibilities about the future, he admits. “Obviously this has many ramifications, and opens up many new possibilities about the future”.

One such possibility, he says, is that China is by definition not populated by human beings, which could make the whole country a legitimate military target.

“Honestly, it makes so much sense suddenly. They might as well be aliens from outer space. I’m no lawyer, but from what I understand since they’re not in our dimension, Chinese people don’t fall under “Earthly” law, i.e. international law, laws of warfare, rules of engagement, stuff like that. And I’m not just being paid to say that by my sponsor”.

(The China Bad Times has been unable to reach a lawyer for comment prior to the publication of this piece).

This discovery certainly opens up many new questions and uncertainties about the future of China, amidst a deadly covid wave and rampant corruption in the now non-country. In 2019, China drew outrage from the international community for their treatment of peaceful democratic protesters in Hong Kong.

“Hong Kong? No, they’re totally in our dimension” reassures the doctor.