My mom has been bugging me about this question ever since I started the process of getting on HRT. As a child there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted kids, but in the past few years I’ve been reconsidering a lot.
I finally got my hormones last week, so now the clock is ticking. I’d love other people in my situation’s thoughts on the matter.
Thanks :)
Not a trans, but I do not understand the fetichization over DNA, I plan on getting a vasectomy, there are lots of children who already are alive and suffering without parents, seems like an easier solution, but to each its own.
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Adopting a child is not the same as giving birth to one. As an adoptive parent you have to understand that the situation is the last resort and traumatic for the kid.
The kid (or teen) has their own rights and autonomy that should be taken in consideration when making these decisions. Adoption isn’t for the parents to have a kid, it’s for the adoptees to have guardians that protect them.
I will never judge someone who wants to avoid the weight of adoption.
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there’s an assumption that adopted kids are too difficult or damaged and that’s heartbreaking when these are kids not products
This is my main problem. People want to treat kids like buying a doll when in reality that’s a whole human who’s just experienced tragedy few people can imagine.
This is the driving reason people look for babies or infants and not older kids and teenagers.
It’s insane.
Maybe adoption is not what I would encourage (I’m not a terrible person, I swear). But systems that support family planning and economic stability instead.
We both agree that kids and teenagers deserve real protection and that’s important.
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I meant “trans person”, just went with “trans” because it’s shorter and where I live people usually say it that way.
I’m from Argentina so adoption is free, therefore I didn’t have that in consideration. As well with your second point, there are indigenous people here who were massacred and so on, but not so systematically as it happened in the US/Canada, today a lot of of the population are “mulatos”, if you will, although there is a white majority, that would be a good consideration, honestly; although at the same time one could argue that insofar you are providing them with an understanding of their culture and heritage, and so on, and so forth, a better life, it’s a million times better that growing in an orphanage. Regarding your third point, most totally valid. Thank you for thoughts and for widening my understanding of this situation for trans people.
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Ahh, I get it know, it makes sense, sorry, as you figured it is not my native language so I’m prone to commit a mistake here and there, I will try to keep this in mind next time. Thank you!
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I could not fathom bringing children onto this doomed planet. If I ever feel the need to take care of someone I’ll adopt someone else’s kids.
Comrades, I am not a trans person, so feel free to skip my post, and please correct me if I say something that is inaccurate or out of line.
I guess a few questions you should ask yourself could be…
Can I afford to freeze my genetic material, and if so, for how long? You may need to check with local places providing this service and see about pricing.
Is adoption a viable option for me? I don’t know your particular material conditions, but I know many transphobic regimes create nigh impossible hurdles for trans people when it comes to adoption. If adoption is an option for you economically and legally, then I suppose you’ll need to ask what the differences are between adopting and having your own child and what those differences mean.
Will you be needing the assistance of a third person who is not your SO? As in, will you need a surrogate? What will that mean for you both logistically… and ethically. While many (can’t say all since I know of human trafficking circles using women for surrogacy) women who take on surrogacy do so willingly, it is still an ethical question regarding a woman’s supposed purpose that is definitely being hotly debated in feminist circles. You will need to do absolutely everything in your power to ensure the rights of the surrogate are maintained and respected, and realize that asking a woman to give birth to your child is asking a lot. It is also important to note the often transactional nature of surrogacy, as the surrogate mother is often paid but required by some contract to relinquish the child when they are born. How might this reflect in the relationship between the surrogate mother and the person or people requesting the service? If you won’t need a surrogate, great! But if you do, definitely do your research on this, and do what you feel is right.
Do you feel you can provide a fulfilling childhood for any child, adopted or genetically ‘yours’, then provide ongoing support for them for as long as you live? Not just materially with food, shelter, etc, but also by being emotionally available. This child will be looking to you to share their interests, which you should participate in, and look to you to aid them in their troubles. They will come to you when they are being bullied. They will come to you when they are struggling in school. They will come to you when they are injured. They will want you to be excited about what they are excited about. They will want you to support them in their hobbies and activities, be it by letting them participate in sports, band, chess club, or even amateur gaming leagues.
If after consideration, you feel adoption a more suitable route, then how will you ensure it is an ethical adoption? As another commenter noted, particularly with white people, adoption is often used as a tool for cultural genocide. A white couple adopts an indigenous, black, Asian, etc child and brings them up in a ‘white culture’ thus irreversibly damaging their connection to their birth heritage. This is even used against Eastern Europeans as even they have been excluded from the “white people club” for a long time. Do your research and take caution when adopting, especially outside your culture. Btw, I do not know your personal culture, and am not assuming. However, there will be some readers for whom this will be particularly relevant.
Of course, there is so much more, but walls of text are scary, so I’ll stop here for now.
However, when thinking about these questions, and others which I have not raised, if the answer today seems as though it isn’t a good idea to have or adopt a child, then ask what needs to change which you can control that can allow you to have or adopt a child tomorrow. And don’t forget, if you can afford it, then you can always opt to freeze your genetic material “just in case”.
I hope my post helps, I genuinely wish you, your partner or partners if poly, and your future children should you make that decision, happiness and fulfillment.
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I am thinking of doing so but it will take some time and money so I’m thinking of maybe skipping it and owning up to being infertile
im not on hrt yet, but i already had mine frozen a while back. no real harm in it.
No I’d adopt
