I feel a bit betrayed, not because we have very different ideas regarding Communism but because he was too much of a coward to tell me he doesn’t agree with me and only told me his ideas because I wanted to encourage him to get organized. For two years this divide between us existed and he is telling me only now? I don’t want to end a lifelong Friendship but I feel like I can’t trust him anymore. If he kept his true political views hidden what else is he not telling me?

Ratette (they/them)
2 måneder

Having a friend who is an ultra is better than a friend who is a lib/fascist.

You don’t need to end a lifelong friendship over this.

Try just enjoying your friendship without the political aspect taking precedent and eventually they will maybe come round to your way of thinking as you both grow and you help them learn?

Definitely agree. Even if he thinks China and Russia are imperialist or has some other terrible takes, if he’s an ultra-leftist, he should at least be against Amerikan imperialism as well, right? It might be possible to convince him (although as Ratto said, I wouldn’t recommend rushing it)

I recommend Plastic Pills Cybersocialism for people who are starting to see how things actually work. Chile did everything “right” by lib standards and it got them coup’d. The use of narrative in the video is really emotional too. 😭


62 måneder

It’s not that I can’t accept his opinion or deal with him having another take, it’s more that I feel betrayed by him never opening his mouth about his actual believes. Especially since we have known each other for so long. In fact, I started at a similar position to him but I started reading more and more theory and as I did my opinions changed quite drastically. Sadly he didn’t and I don’t think he has much interest in changing that. His understanding of Communism is very basic and idealistic. I thought he grew with me, not by reading himself but through listening to me. Turns out he didn’t, he just never disagreed or pushed back on anything because he didn’t want to debate me.

Ratette (they/them)
122 måneder

FYI I’ve got a friend just like that and yes it’s frustrating but it’s less they betrayed you and more they aren’t ready or as enthusiastic as you.

Mine is a raging pacifist who would literally let’s fascists kill them vs resorting to violence to defend themselves. How do you cut through that? You don’t as its hardcoded as part of their identity. All you can do is provide the environment for change to occur.

You can’t define how people grow and change, only give them the tools in which to.

Hell before I was ML my friend had to patiently wait for me to get a clue and I’m so glad they did vs cutting me out because here I am now lemmygrads niche micro celebrity™ /s

Maybe they didn’t debate or raise this because they didn’t want exactly what’s happening now to take place?

It’s not worth going nuclear on this (imo) because they aren’t some raging liberal bigot or anti communist. They’re a revolutionary sprout. You don’t cull the rose bush because it didn’t grow as quickly as the sunflowers if you catch my meaning.

I get it’s very frustrating but I implore you not to end your relationship with a best friend over this. Being a ML is very lonely irl sometimes so don’t waste this would be my advice but I don’t know how you feel or the full circumstances so you do you but at the very least try to cool off before you make any decisions okies?

72 måneder

People take time to change. Like multiple years. I think if you value your friendship, give it time to breathe and take away the pressure of having to agree on this subject for a while.

If you can remove yourself emotionally from the anger and dispare that you are feeling, you might be able to forgive him. It’s understandable to be frustrated with your friend. That is valid. However, if you can learn to have discussions about topics without getting heated or angry at them(easier said than done), you might be able to show them why it is unproductive to be an ultra. He may be leaning into being an ultra simply because he might feel aggravated, not necessarily bc he disagrees. People are not logical in general and may be holding onto beliefs simply bc it is too painful or difficult to think of his identity or the world in another way. Or just to identify himself as separate from you.

I understand you feel hurt, and thus angry. But try to remember that if your friend is a good friend overall, you might have to make the decision to see passed his flaws, which make him nothing more or less than human. Try to have compassion for your friend. If he is a good friend, he deserves that much from you. With patience, you will be able to maintain a life-long relationship.

With that being said, all relationships have their ebbs and their flows. Let things take their own pace.

112 måneder

I obviously know next to nothing about you or your friend so take this with a grain of salt if it doesn’t resonate with you:

Consider your reaction when you disagree with someone. Could you be dissuading him from sharing conflicting views because you tend to take such conversations very seriously and therefore it’s uncomfortable for him to participate in them? How does he see your arguments with other people, do you tend to deride those you disagree with?

If you become angry at people who disagree with you, your friend is going to avoid disagreeing with you because he doesn’t want you to be mad at him. Some people are simply averse to interpersonal-conflict. The kind of people who are energized by combative discussion are rare. Preferring to keep the peace over being intellectually correct is a common perspective and frankly—as I have personally learned over the years—is not without value in many situations.

2 måneder

Elephant in the room in my perspective is :YOU HAVE A SOCIALIST FRIEND! The furthest left friend I have is apolitical. After that it’s all Libs or Libertarian types. Ultras are at least ok with Mao and won’t shit on you for being a Stalin enjoyer. This is not a bad thing. As long as they’re respectful and not trying to argue all the time, that’s not bad. As a political person, it’s tough for me to ever speak honestly when politics are broached. I have to tiptoe around certain issues like Xinjiang (honestly I’m putting my foot down more and more on that one as certified bullshit to people I know due to Zenz stats on IUDs and percentages of female populations with IUDs, its laughable, I think he moved a decimal) or Taiwan. So long comment short; Accept your friend and don’t trivialize a true friendship over this, unless of course there are other underlying issues.

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