BREAKING NEWS! the evil dictator of China, Xinnie the Pooh, was recently spotted eating children.
He was spotted in the streets of Beijing, walking next to a child. He then entered his car and drove into a restaurant. Our reporters lost sight of the child and concluded that he was eaten.
It may seem a bit over the top to immediately conclude that the child was eaten, but this is no exaggeration. Chinese people have a long track record of eating things like dogs, advocates of democracy, and children. This is greatly illustrated by the Tuna Man Massacre of 1984, where several Chinese tankists were spotted eating something out of a can, which was probably the remains of someone they killed earlier.
The issue of China’s abusing children’s rights by eating them has been raised several times. However, the UN has chosen to ignore it, showing that they are probably controlled by China. As one anonymous source put it, “You don’t even know who to trust these days.”
It was found Xi ate meat while inside the restaurant, which just confirms he was eating the kid. But rest assured, such atrocities will not pass the watchful eyes of democracy. We’ll get those crazy commies one of these days!