A controlled conversation is exactly that, a conversation you are intending to control. It can be a persuasion, interrogation, job interview or any situation where you are attempting to manipulate someone through conversation. There are four strategies I would like to go over in this conversation.

Point of View: You can control a conversation through your point of view and this can be useful in various ways. “It seems to me as if this place could use some help.” “I would think you were the prime suspect” “I don’t seem to get the most out of this deal.”

You can also use the other person’s point of view in order to control it. “It must be hard to do this everyday.” “It’s unfortunate that nobody understands.” This is especially useful if you understand how a person thinks.

Ego: You can flatter a person to bring them to a certain outcome. This is the most common way that people attempt to persuade or control conversations so I’m sure we all know various methods. It helps if you tailor your message depending on who you are speaking to. “You’ve done great for the community.” “I’m sure people look up to you.”

Hurting their ego is also something that may work, but to do that effectively you will need to know something that would get the desired response. Provoking a person into saying something falls into the category of hurting ego. You must also keep in mind the goal is not to bully the person or cause them to withdraw from the conversation.

Accountability and Guilt: You can relieve a person’s guilt in some situations in order to get them to open up. An example would be “I’m sure you did the best you could in that situation” “This can all be solved.” “There’s nothing to worry about.”

The opposite method is to hold someone accountable for something they’ve done or questionable morals. Examples include “What would everyone think of you?” “Is this how you treat others?” “I know what you’ve done!” “You knew what was going on and did nothing!” This works best in situations where you know a person has done something they could feel guilty for.

Authority: It is possible to empower someone during a conversation, though if you’re attempting to control the conversation this may have mixed and very variable results. Examples of this include “Don’t you have plans if you ever get the position?” “You seem like the best person to be in charge here.”

The opposite is the more common strategy of establishing your authority which we often see used most in customer service situations. Examples include: “You’re supposed to be helping me!” “My work here is very important.” “We can protect you if you decide to help us.” Establishing authority does not necessarily mean that you need to be dominant and loud or even appear strong. For the purpose of controlling a conversation projecting power this way will work.