I feel a bit betrayed, not because we have very different ideas regarding Communism but because he was too much of a coward to tell me he doesn’t agree with me and only told me his ideas because I wanted to encourage him to get organized. For two years this divide between us existed and he is telling me only now? I don’t want to end a lifelong Friendship but I feel like I can’t trust him anymore. If he kept his true political views hidden what else is he not telling me?
It’s not that I can’t accept his opinion or deal with him having another take, it’s more that I feel betrayed by him never opening his mouth about his actual believes. Especially since we have known each other for so long. In fact, I started at a similar position to him but I started reading more and more theory and as I did my opinions changed quite drastically. Sadly he didn’t and I don’t think he has much interest in changing that. His understanding of Communism is very basic and idealistic. I thought he grew with me, not by reading himself but through listening to me. Turns out he didn’t, he just never disagreed or pushed back on anything because he didn’t want to debate me.
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People take time to change. Like multiple years. I think if you value your friendship, give it time to breathe and take away the pressure of having to agree on this subject for a while.
If you can remove yourself emotionally from the anger and dispare that you are feeling, you might be able to forgive him. It’s understandable to be frustrated with your friend. That is valid. However, if you can learn to have discussions about topics without getting heated or angry at them(easier said than done), you might be able to show them why it is unproductive to be an ultra. He may be leaning into being an ultra simply because he might feel aggravated, not necessarily bc he disagrees. People are not logical in general and may be holding onto beliefs simply bc it is too painful or difficult to think of his identity or the world in another way. Or just to identify himself as separate from you.
I understand you feel hurt, and thus angry. But try to remember that if your friend is a good friend overall, you might have to make the decision to see passed his flaws, which make him nothing more or less than human. Try to have compassion for your friend. If he is a good friend, he deserves that much from you. With patience, you will be able to maintain a life-long relationship.
With that being said, all relationships have their ebbs and their flows. Let things take their own pace.