Now with today’s age where almost everything is sexualized, and everywhere you look there’s sexual implications on it. As a lonely teenager myself going through the “horny phase.” Things are not going good for me. How do you deal with impure thoughts? (No religion stuff plz lol)

  • @bleepingblorp
    link
    42 years ago

    Of course comrade! I’m relieved you were able to get something from what I said.

    I often found myself gathering feelings for anyone that showed me the slightest amount of kindness, even eye contact.

    This isn’t abnormal, especially with the effects of COVID as you yourself have experienced. I suspect meeting people will help alleviate this over time, even (or perhaps especially) normal non-romantic interactions in neutral settings. If you are spiritual, a place of worship may help, or for secular options local clubs for activities you are interested in. Book clubs, music lessons or bands, exercise and athletic groups, comedy clubs (just beware of reactionary venues), activist and political circles (get some praxis in too, bonus!), and other similar gatherings will likely resolve some of this. Of course do so safely, but meeting people frequently in a platonic environment will likely alleviate some of this as your mind makes new associations with friendly behavior.

    And one of my biggest triggers it is when I see two people arguing or fighting. It’s even worse when it’s two of the same gender, which I feel guilty of because it’s clearly blatant sexualization.

    Given your earlier context of having experienced traumas in youth, it sounds like talking with a “trauma aware psychologist” may help. Also, depending the severity of your mental health situation, there are some books that helped me with a variety of issues:

    • “How Not to Kill Yourself” by Set Sykes
    • “Unfuck Your Brain” by Faith G. Harper; PhD LPC-S ACS, and lots of titles
    • “Unfuck Your Intimacy” by Faith G. Harper; PhD LPC-S ACS, and lots of titles
    • “Unfuck Your Anger” by Faith G. Harper; PhD LPC-S ACS, and lots of titles
    • “Unfuck Your Boundaries: Build Better Relationships Through Consent, Communication, and Expressing Your Needs” by Faith G. Harper; PhD LPC-S ACS, and lots of titles
    • “Coping Skills” by Faith G. Harper; PhD LPC-S ACS, and lots of titles
    • “This is Your Brain on Anxiety” by Faith G. Harper; PhD LPC-S ACS, and lots of titles
    • “This is Your Brain on Depression” by Faith G. Harper; PhD LPC-S ACS, and lots of titles

    So you can probably see that I have a particular author who has helped me a lot in understanding my mind and emotions, but I like her vulgarity and crassness (which I won’t be offended if you choose to avoid the books or find they aren’t helpful because of this factor, it just hits well with me is all), her sense of humor, and the way she explains things is pretty down to Earth. Also reading some books like this can help you prepare for meeting psychologists and hopefully learn a few things to look for in a therapist. It did for me, anyway, so I hope you can benefit as well.

    Are there books that give knowledge on kinks and how to be healthy with them? I do have a few kinks that have come from childhood trauma. I heard that it’s normal, though I’m not sure.

    It is relatively common, yeah, though I can’t say whether it was birthed by trauma or if you found certain things to assist with coping. For example, in middle school I was severely bullied and still have traumas from that, and for me pain became a coping mechanism. I used to punch walls made of durable materials like brick and stone specifically to bloody my hands and engage in flagellation. Was it because I was a masochist that I found those cathartic or might it be that I found that cathartic which made me into a masochist? I’m not sure which direction the relationship flows with that one, and it is the same for many in the kink community I’ve talked to.

    As for reading material about kink, I’ll need to wait until I get home to get my titles and authors and all that, especially since right now I am at work and can’t go around searching certain things. I’ll edit this post and ping you in a comment to this post once I’ve updated it though.

    Like what should I be looking forward to when discussing sex with a partner?

    Biggest thing is to be honest and open while being receptive to your partner’s kinks. And if that partner lists a surprising kink, it is best to not kink shame, even in the extreme cases. If there is a chance there might be a victim if left unaddressed, it might help to encourage a person get help and support them on their journey. If there are victimless ways something can be explored, then it might help to explore those routes. I once allowed a partner to play with me while I slept under the conditions that we are both sober when they did. I trusted that person a lot and we had a good relationship, so I gave consent which they understood could be rescinded at any time. This was after a long period of time developing this relationship and felt safe with this person. This allowed them to explore aspects of certain kinks and I learned a lot about myself as well. That said, consent is very important in a situation like that. I was very specific and the terms of our relationship was in writing in detail, which is common in BDSM relationships. It was document over 20 pages in length with everything we could think of that was okay and not okay, our safe words, how we addressed one another, hard limits, acceptable punishments, what is and is not punishable, how we communicate, etc. The document was constantly being changed, added to, and edited as we explored more and discovered more about each other, ourselves, and kink as a whole. Though the relationship ended due to life circumstances, I hold no regrets about any of it and would change nothing about that time, and have heard from them the same feedback. Our relationship is now platonic and we are comfortable confiding in each other when needed.